Joke

|  ----------
| The Stress Diet
| 
| (This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds
| during the course of the day.)
| 
|  BREAKFAST
| 
|  1/2 grapefruit
| 
|  1 slice of whole wheat toast
| 
|  8 oz. low fat or skim milk
| 
| 
|  LUNCH
| 
|  4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
| 
|  1 cup steamed spinach
| 
|  1 cup herbal tea
| 
|  1 Oreo cookie
| 
| 
|  MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
| 
|  Rest of Oreos in pack
| 
|  2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
| 
|  1 jar hot fudge sauce
| 
|  Nuts, cherries, whipped cream
| 
| 
|  DINNER
| 
|  2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
| 
|  Large sausage & cheese pizza
| 
|  4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer (non-alcoholic, I sure hope)
| 
|  3 Milky Way candy bars
| 
| 
| LATE EVENING NEWS SNACK
| 
|  Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
| 
| 
| RULES FOR THIS DIET:
| 
|  1.  If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
| 
|  2.  If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
|       bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
| 
|  3.  When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long
|       as you don't eat more than they do.
| 
|  4.  Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot
|       chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee cheese cake.
| 
|  5.  If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.
| 
|  6.  Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they
|       are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of
|       one's personal intake.   Examples are:  Milk Duds,  Hot Buttered
|       Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.
| 
|  7.  Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The process of breaking causes
|       caloric leakage.
| 
|  8.  Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
|       the process of preparing something.  Examples are peanut butter
|       on a knife while making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon while
|       making a sundae.
| 
|  9.  Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
|      Examples include: spinach and pistachio ice cream, califlower and
|      whipped cream, etc.
| 
| 
| IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!    Chocolate is a universal substitute and may be
| used in place of any other food at any time during this diet.

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